The only logical conclusion that any sane (and stable) person could possibly come to, when faced with this behaviour, is the president isn’t really the president at all. Don’t you see? Clearly the president is actually a 12-year-old boy, who wished to be ‘a grown-up’ using the Zoltar Fortune Teller Machine - previously seen in the hit 1988 Tom Hank’s movie ‘BIG’.
I've started listening to The Archers. Let me say that again: I'VE STARTED LISTENING TO THE ARCHERS. It's actually quite good.
Back then Halloween was a genuinely scary experience, not because of ghosts and goblins. The fear came with the concern that, dressed like an idiot, you might bump into someone you knew!
I Have Poo Tinnitus. It's true. Everywhere I go I can smell a gentle whiff of poo. Where it's coming from I can't tell you. It may be that changing a multitude of nappies has made me especially sensitive to the aroma of fecal matter?
PARENTING IS HARD! Parenting is also wonderful, challenging, rewarding, exhausting, tedious, exhilarating and constantly surprising.
I do think that there is often a lot of over-thinking that takes place around babies. Parents are expected to give answers to questions that really don't matter and act as if they do.
It's these people, and their blissful ignorance, that contemporary parents must learn to navigate around. Like hidden rocks among the flotsam and jetsam of parenting - they must be spotted and avoided if possible.
If you think you're busy, but you still have time to poo on your own - then, frankly, you're not.
Look, I'm no newbie when it comes to taking Sam to play environments. I'm the survivor of several Soft Play campaigns. I've been to hell, I know what it's like.
So it's happened, you're a dad!